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When it feels too much to bear - how a Counsellor embraces your grief.

Updated: Nov 5, 2018

Many gifted writers have managed to capture in words what it feels like when some-one you love dies, and have done so with heartfelt eloquence. Words that may resonate with you, yet your own experience of loss will reach far beyond anything you could have imagined or read about.

Your bereavement may be so overwhelming there are times when you can barely catch your breath. Possibly overtaken by waves of emotion and memories, within which the absence of the other person feels tangible.

The truth is, the way you feel after the loss of a loved one will be as unique as the relationship you had with them. It’s with respect for this unique relationship that a Counsellor can be there for you.

Strong foundations

The impact when someone you love dies can leave you questioning and reflecting on all the relationships in your life. It can shake the dynamics of your family, offer up friends in a new light or challenge your own beliefs and values. Whether these experiences are stressful or comforting, something inevitably changes as a consequence of your loss.

Any change can be difficult to navigate, particularly at a time when you’re feeling sensitive to your surroundings. A Counsellor can offer you their commitment to understanding how such change is affecting you and the breathing space to reflect, in a neutral setting away from outside pressures.

Counselling can provide the foundations and a safe place in which to explore how you’re feeling, with the support and full attention of someone who won’t rush you or shy away from your pain.

Allowing time

Perhaps it feels too much as you try to make sense of your struggle and with this comes frustration and exhaustion. To share the weight of what you’re carrying with a Counsellor who is open to your experience can feel in itself therapeutic. You may have been knocked sideways by your loss and you need time to recover and build up your inner resources.

Having the time you need can feel like a welcome relief and offers you a certain freedom amidst your turmoil. This all comes without force or expectation, just an acceptance of how things are for you at this very moment, just to ‘be’ with your grief and feel supported in it.

Finding your way

Your relationship with the person you love was and will always be like no other you share. In this lies the beauty and the heartache of loss, and finding your way in the world will be a very personal experience.

I believe that Counselling holds most benefit and value when it is given over to honouring the individual and in the context of your bereavement this may be of particular significance.

Every way in which you remember them, all that you choose to share and every detail you give of what you now endure, will be the only true reflection of the relationship you had with them. It’s the most honest account anyone will ever hear.

Holding this to be true, I know the exceptional value of being able to voice your grief and lay tribute to your loved one in this way.

Written by Wendy Tarr, Bereavement Counsellor at Clarity Well-Being Clinic. Call 02477 180333 or visit

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